ParentHaught: Lucy’s Salon

lucy's salon

Date: July 2016

Age: 2

 

Lucy: I do Memmeh’s hair?

Me: Are you a hairdresser, Lucy?

Lucy: Yeah. I cut a da hair with brushes.

Me: Do you need two combs?

Mum: Of course she does. This a very prestigious salon. Lucy’s the best.

Me: I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t realise.

Lucy starts brushing Mum’s hair.

Lucy: Papa? [handing me a comb]

Me: Oh! Lucy. I’d be honoured.

I start brushing Mum’s hair.

Lucy: That’s butter.

Me: That is better. But you’ve told me before about some experimental techniques you’ve been working on. Should we try them now?

Lucy: Yeah.

Me: [using the comb like a spatula] Thaaat’s the way. You described this to me as like covering a cake with icing. Is that right?

Lucy: Yeah.

Me: And… and… now you’re covering Memmeh’s eyes with icing.

Lucy: Yeah.

Mum: This is a very good haircut. What will this cost, Lucy? How much?

Lucy: Four and six.

Me: And what about in post Victorian England currency?

Mum: Oh, don’t be silly, Papa. You said four hundred and six, didn’t you?

Lucy: Yes. Silly Papa. Naughty.

Me: $406 sounds like a LOT for a haircut!

Mum: Well this is more than a haircut.

Me: Fair enough. So $406, Lucy?

Lucy: Four and six marse-mallows.

Mum: Oh!

Me: That’s more within Memmeh’s budget, I feel.

Lucy: More do a da cake?

Me: Yes, we should continue with the experimental methods. What about we comb Memmeh’s hair and yell coiffure in her face.

Lucy: No. Silly.

Me: Well I’m doing it.

I give Mum’s hair a comb and yell “coiffure” right up in her grill for no reason at all.

Lucy finds this amusing and gives it a try but says “fluff-fur” instead.

Me: That’s right.

Mum: This is VERY experimental, I have to say.

Lucy squirms to get into a better yelling position and does a huge fart.

Me: OH! I’m terribly sorry, madam! We’ll refund your marshmallows, of course!

Mum: No! No! This is an artiste at work. Her eccentricities make her the great that she is.

Me: Ah yes.

Lucy: FLUFF-FUR!

Me: That’s excellent. Lucy, I’d like to apologise for questioning your methods.

Lucy: Sorry Papa.

Me: No. No, I’m sorry, Lucy. Now before I get emotional, let’s move on to the elephant in the room: does Memmeh need plugs?

Lucy: Yes. Blugs.

Me: She does doesn’t she?

Lucy: Memmeh? You need a blugs in your cake.

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