Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

Category: Benign to Five

The Haught guide to bringing stuff to life

I went into the [Smorgy’s] cellar to look for the propane torch we sometimes used to keep at bay the warthogs that accumulated around the restaurant’s perimeter after midnight.

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What made the 1980s great

The subtext is dance like nobody will remember your lycra-clad thrusting because they’ll all be dead. Love like humiliating rejection doesn’t feel so bad in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Sing like tomorrow your vocal chords will be dust.

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How to become a thought leader

My new year resolution was to become a thought leader. I’ve already achieved it. I got my accreditation from the…

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What is content?

“Content” is one of those words that gained popularity so quickly, people fell over themselves, and the bodies of others – some dead from suffocation and trampling – to start using it. They believed there was no time to stop and consider what it truly meant or in what context it should be used – they just went for it, hard and fast like two lab rats in a sex hormone experiment.

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The Haught guide to summer fashion

Of course, 1970 was a different time. I was minus 12 years old back then, so my memory of the era is a bit sketchy, but the ad tells us this was a time when 60 year-old men in exposed knee-high white socks consulted blueprints while standing.

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The Murphy’s Law truth about your Year 12 results

If you bugger up your final exams and get a score that doesn’t reflect your hard work and talent, you will inevitably end up in professional circles where every single person with the power to give you a job considers your ATAR or your OP to be a perfect and unchallengeable predictor of your professional competence.

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The Haught guide to inadvertent plagiarism

I had one of those abject moments of deflation last year. You know the ones: they came just after you…

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The Haught guide to “downsizing”

One day, in the not too distant future people will be coming home from work telling their partners “Love – I was permanently de-salaried today because the company’s optimaligning has led to my role being seajourneyed.”

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The Haught guide to Jehovah’s Witnesses

Years before I became a worldly, cynical and wildly popular blogger, Jehovah’s Witnesses preyed on me like I was a baby wildebeest with polio who’d been isolated from the herd and was click-clacking around the savannah in ill-fitting wildebeest calipers.

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The Haught guide to lying

Lying during job interviews is now par for the course. Well, it might be par. It might also be an excellent sub par round, replete with stupendously stylish trousers and a hole-out eagle from a fairway bunker with a five iron. It might even be a round so bad you miss the metaphorical cut. It all depends on how well you fib. The point is, everyone does it.

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