Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

Category: Benign to Five

The Haught guide to competition

To be truly competitive in a professional setting you must see each of your colleagues as brick walls blocking the road joining the towns of Career Mediocrity and Career Triumph. You should feel the urgent need to repeatedly sledgehammer them.

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“There are no stupid questions” is a lie

I walked into the storeroom at Burwood Smorgy’s and found the manager wearing only a felt sock puppet and dancing a passionate samba with a 45 kilogram bag of desiree potatoes. If this was written into fate at the beginning of time, then the Predeterminer must have one hell of an imagination.

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The Haught guide to meetings

…What ensued was a kind of Stalinist purge, but instead of people vanishing, it was working time that was systematically liquidated or sent to the gulag. Hour by hour, the amount of time we had to do our jobs was slowly deleted, replaced by meetings.

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Chucking a spickie

Is it OK to let a weekend’s sport result affect your mood at work? Absolutely not. It’s unprofessional, unfair on colleagues and morally wrong. You should take the day off instead.

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Life coaches

A life coach? What in buggery does that even mean? She doesn’t coach volleyball or singing or better study methods. Pru coaches all of these things, plus more. ‘More’, logically, being everything else in the entire world…

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The Haught guide to creating your own Wikipedia entry

Writing your own Wikipedia entry is unethical, inappropriate, obnoxious and against Wikipedia guidelines. Here’s how you do it.

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The Haught guide to first impressions

The moral of the story is avoid hedging your bets. If you’re not sure about what to wear, either dress for the ballroom or nude up.

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The Voice: a conversation

“A seal? One of the judges is a marine mammal? I’m definitely watching the show now. Why haven’t you told me about this show before?”

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A love letter

My dearest, I missed you yesterday. I missed you so much that my head ached. My body yearned for you…

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ParentHaught: how to introduce your baby to the office

A year ago, almost to this day, the stork came. It was 2.30pm on a Sunday. That evening we were cuddling a snowy-haired girl and eating stork for dinner. Well, you know how bad hospital food is.

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