If you’re a relative newcomer to Haught, you might not know that before I was writing immaculately worded emails to…
Read More“What your detractors, and the broader population, don’t understand is that people like you (and me) are the First Estate of the 21st century. Like the clergymen before us, we will speak and write in whatever language we choose, and if members of the lower castes can’t understand it, so be it.”
Read MorePeople sometimes ask me whether I really send the emails I publish on Haught to the people and companies they’re addressed to….
Read MoreYesterday, the CEO of the department store Myer, Bernie Brooks is said to have told a business conference that an…
Read Moremyki, you are not a faecal stain on the fabric of society, not hydrochloric acid in the face of civility, not even a figurative cancer metastasising throughout the Victorian community. You are something so much worse.
Read MoreHaughtist Elizabeth Campbell wrote a couple of weeks ago imploring me to send an email to Coles on her behalf….
Read MoreIf you take even a vague interest in the cricket, you can’t have missed KFC’s latest television ad campaign involving…
Read MoreLast week, the Sydney broadcaster Alan Jones told a gathering that the Prime Minister’s father, who had recently passed away, had…
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While I may be the world’s most promising and precocious literary talent, this doesn’t change the fact that I am as ugly as sin. And I’m not talking about one of the spurious Catholic ones like “original sin” or one of the piss-weak Deadly ones like sloth or gluttony; I’m talking about the absolute shockers like wrath, Avada Kedavra and, by far the worst of all, vanity. (I absolutely abhor arrogance and conceit, and as the owner of a Chapel Street night club, you undoubtedly do too.)
I’m so unattractive, my wife employs a Perseus-style mirror-plated shield when conversing with me. I’m so unattractive, I’m reluctant to have children because I fear that if my son or daughter got my face genes, I’d be dragged to The Hague and charged with crimes against humanity.
Read MoreSometimes I receive messages in the spiced ham folder of my email that get me so excited I feel like…
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