Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

The worst conference ever

The first speaker of the day called himself an inspiration vocaliser and assured everyone present that the secret to work life happiness was getting your job title right. He then slid down from the stage on an inflatable ramp he called the Dream Realisation Embankment and began asking people to say their job titles into his “Psych-rophone”, which was just a giant peach-coloured microphone.

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The Magical Lavatory

But the greatest moment of all was when I witnessed a bloke lose control of his pendulum.

He was a flighty individual and must have feared having someone standing beside him at the urinals; that was understandable. What I had more trouble empathising with was the exclamation “Wh-wh-whoooa!” followed a furious flurry of activity during which urine passed over the top of the nearby cubicle and squirted into his own face.

It was like a small child trying to regain control of a full-bore fire hose.

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The Haught guide to applying for jobs

What a drag it is applying for jobs. The world would be a far better place if you could just…

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The Haught guide to small talk

What should be the subject of the mandatory conversation you strike up with odious or uninspiring colleagues? Here are a few aces to put up your sleeve…

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The Haught guide to work toilet banditry

If you’re reading this and have worked in an office with mostly upper-middle class colleagues but never encountered the sort of lavatory foulness you’d associate with a cholera-infected Mumbai slum you’re in a tiny and very lucky minority.

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The Haught guide to fudging your resume

          The lord of the white lies I once told a lie. It was many, many…

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The Haught guide to office dating

Friends have informed me that the internet dating scene is moribund. Realising that traditional partner-finding avenues are now back in vogue, I’ve decided to dedicate this week’s column to office prowling tips.

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The Haught guide to snake oil salesmen

The worst mistake you can make as a citizen of the 21st century is believe that the age in which it was possible to quit one’s job and take to the road selling a miracle tincture made of tree sap, rancid avocado juice and buffalo urine is long past.

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Erotic fiction – a new excerpt

“Oh god” Cora-Lynne breathed. “Let’s do it right here.” She was referring to sexual intercourse.

She exposed her dewy thicket.

The barometer reached its upper limit – Very Dry. It was a wholly inappropriate reading.

His weapon of lust moved intrepidly inside. He now knew what bliss felt like: it felt like being inside a plump, steamed gyoza dumpling.

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Benign to Five on networking

The official Haught guide to effective, strategic, synergistic networking, going forward.

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