Purveyors of fine sarcasm

The obviously fictional speech on immigrants

Thanks for your interest in D-grade political hoaxes.

Please find below the speech on Muslim immigrants by someone called the President of Australia, with annotations by the website editor.


Take It Or Leave It.

I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.

[These two sentences have nothing to do with one another. Let’s give the writer the benefit of the doubt, though, and see how the rest of the speech unfolds.]

This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.

[What culture? The only culture mentioned to this point is the culture of the individual we’re apparently worried about offending. Now, suddenly, the President is talking about culture in glowing terms, the product of something that sounds suspiciously like a revolutionary war of independence. Australia hasn’t had one of those, but let’s continue, anyway.]

We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!

[I could be wrong, but I’d be happy to bet that no leader of any civilised nation, not even the most brazen populist, has ever yelled the words “Learn the language!” in a speech.]

Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

[What? Why is the President talking about the walls of our schools all of a sudden? And god? Hold on a minute – patriotism, revolutionary zeal, Christian founders, freedom … this is starting to sound as if someone’s taken something written in the United States and attributed it to the head of the Australian government.]

We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us. This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

[Our Pledge? What pledge? And, now I think about it, what President? Australia has a Prime Minister! Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I’m starting to think this whole thing isn’t really a speech by the Australian Prime Minister at all.] 

If you aren’t happy here then LEAVE. We didn’t force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.


The above speech was never delivered by the leader of Australia’s government. It’s a badly manipulated article written by Barry Loudermilk, a United States Air Force veteran and now Republican Party politician. 

You can read about the fabrication at Snopes.

If you’ve now got a taste for totally made-up speeches by Australian heads of state, you can read the the Australian President’s real speech on immigration right here at Haught.

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