The items that we now categorise as weasel words, wank language and corporate buzzwords weren’t always the indefensible, indecipherable brain-slop of desk-shackled keyboard tappers. Almost every single one began as a word or term that didn’t make you want to chainsaw it alive and throw its corpse into an abandoned quarry.
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“So what do you do for a living, Johnson?”
“Uh… it’s Jonathan… I’m a… well, a writer.”
“A writer? You write books? Novels?”
“No, no, no. No. Definitely not.
“No.”
“But I do write a little thing… a little columny thing… in the paper.”
Read MoreSit down. I need to talk with you about something. No, sit on the chair the right way round, please…
Read More“Oh god” Cora-Lynne breathed. “Let’s do it right here.” She was referring to sexual intercourse.
She exposed her dewy thicket.
The barometer reached its upper limit – Very Dry. It was a wholly inappropriate reading.
His weapon of lust moved intrepidly inside. He now knew what bliss felt like: it felt like being inside a plump, steamed gyoza dumpling.
Read MoreToday, the corporation fills the societal role once taken by knights and other masked crusaders. Primarily, it exists to undertake acts of great altruism, selflessness and civic good, so it’s guided not by an “objective”, but a “mission”.
If you’re granted the great privilege of crafting this superheroic manifesto, don’t waver: your mandate to be bold and colourful is contained in the document’s very name: mission statement. If they didn’t want it to be breathtakingly inspiring, they would have called it an “aim summary” or a “goal list”.
Read MoreFelicity Montgomery was the daughter of the Establishment. She sometimes rode in a horse-drawn carriage, even though that mode of transport had been obsolete for more than a century and was extravagantly expensive and exceptionally inefficient. She had hair like a flowing waterfall of molten bronze and eyes like two shimmering orbs of cobalt, except with some white (the white) and black (the pupil). Her eyes not only looked like cobalt, they also had a cobalt-like radioactivity, and although they could not cause cancer in a man, they could certainly make him very ill indeed. Ill with love.
Felicity had a fine pair of buttocks.
Read MoreDo blogs need introductory posts or do you just wade straight in and start floundering around, not like a flounder (possibly…
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