The Haught guide to fudging your resume

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The lord of the white lies

I once told a lie. It was many, many years ago, and the details are inconsequential. My point is, even the very best of us tell fibs from time to time. Dishonesty should not be summarily dismissed as the preserve of the morally unsound.

When considering ways to fudge your resume, the more brazen your untruths the better. Brazen comes from a Middle English word meaning “made of brass” and your fabrication should gleam like that material.

If you need an extra degree to add some heft to your qualifications section, why settle for ho-hummery when you can go for the Hummer (or the academic equivalent)? I am, of course, referring to the Bachelor of Miracles.

The fact that it’s trousers-and-undies-around-your-ankles-in-a-nunnery-playing-a-trombone-with-your-bottom shameless in its fraudulence is what makes it so difficult for HR departments and interviewers to dismiss. Nobody in their right mind could think anybody in their right mind would try to pull off such chicanery.

You can round the deception out by asserting that you earned high distinctions in subjects such as Recognising Holy Figures in Toast, Curing Incurable Diseases, Making Maths Fun, and Advanced Food Multiplication.

The Bachelor of Miracles is a nine-year course and there is an honours year option for high achieving students. If that describes you (clue: it does), you might like to say you’ve done your thesis on something like the chemistry of liquid bisection.

My advice: gun that Hummer up the career ramp, laughing at the people you squash along the way.

This article originally appeared in The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald. You can view the latest column every Saturday in the MyCareer section. 

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