Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

Tag: work

The Haught guide to mystery shoppers

The Haught guide to mystery shoppers

When I asked at the start of this article have you ever been mystery shopped, there was only one possible answer you could have given – “I don’t know”.

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On Leonard Cohen

He traipsed through this “lost illusions boulevard” in his trilby and his double-breasted suit, smiling knowingly, perhaps ruefully. There was no pretence or charade.

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The Haught guide to Big Brother watching you

I’m not afraid to admit it: I loved being surveilled at work. Without Big Brother having watched my every professional movement from one of his infinite telescreens, I would have frittered away my career to date on inefficient activity and unorthodox thoughts.

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The Haught guide to learning fast

…the restaurant manager, a man I once found in the men’s toilets vehemently accusing a whole defrosted turkey of cheating at Texas hold ‘em. (He made the turkey talk back by opening and closing its beak using a pair of tweezers, doing a C-grade impression of Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men…

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Pranker or wanker? (I still don’t know if I was being stooged)

My antagonist was a preposterous cliche who hid his ulterior motives with the same discretion as a trenchcoated 1980s flasher might have hidden his jibbly bits.

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Haught Take: 8 things that great bosses do

There are bad bosses, there are decent bosses and there are good bosses. But only great bosses do the following:

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The Haught guide to end-of-year parties

Rule 2: Don’t dance. Dancing was invented in 1971 by Dr Hubert van de Waggelen as a cruel and unethical social experiment and was never meant to leave his dungeon/laboratory in Utrecht. It incomprehensibly caught on, spread across the world and was retro-fitted with a centuries-old (and far happier) history. By dancing you are (now knowingly) legitimising the perverted experiments of a wicked, wicked man.

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How good words turn bad

The items that we now categorise as weasel words, wank language and corporate buzzwords weren’t always the indefensible, indecipherable brain-slop of desk-shackled keyboard tappers. Almost every single one began as a word or term that didn’t make you want to chainsaw it alive and throw its corpse into an abandoned quarry.

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The Haught guide to burning career bridges

Several times I’ve approached the edge of the career abyss and thought, “Oo, that gaping void looks alluring.”

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ParentHaught: Lessons learnt from the University of Fatherhood

Parenthood is a classroom like no other, and much that you learn within it is applicable to your daily life. Like saying that an audible fart was a frog noise, for example.

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