Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

My email to Woolworths

People sometimes ask me whether I really send the emails I publish on Haught to the people and companies they’re addressed to….

Read More

My email to GetUp!

With a few days left before the Australian Federal election, the political group GetUp! commissioned a TV advertisement aiming to…

Read More

Haught is on Google+

If I were a gambling man – and I am – I would be putting the house – and I…

Read More

The MetroSuccessual campaign

I am, if nothing else, an advertising aficionado. In the past, I’ve been known to be quite critical of some…

Read More

How to write a mission statement

Today, the corporation fills the societal role once taken by knights and other masked crusaders. Primarily, it exists to undertake acts of great altruism, selflessness and civic good, so it’s guided not by an “objective”, but a “mission”.

If you’re granted the great privilege of crafting this superheroic manifesto, don’t waver: your mandate to be bold and colourful is contained in the document’s very name: mission statement. If they didn’t want it to be breathtakingly inspiring, they would have called it an “aim summary” or a “goal list”.

Read More

Dumb Ways to Die (the Demons version)

As some of you reading this will know, my alter ego is a mild-mannered Melbourne Demons supporter by the name…

Read More

My email to Myer

Yesterday, the CEO of the department store Myer, Bernie Brooks is said to have told a business conference that an…

Read More

The Haught guide to change managers

  Every single word I write on these pages and in the pages of The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald is true. If…

Read More

The Haught guide to “moving forward”

“Moving forward” (aka “going forward”) seems as popular today as when it first burst on to the corporate scene like an alien out of an unimportant character’s chest.

Read More

A return to erotic fiction

Dierdre was wearing only a translucent salad bowl and some beetroot paste.

Blue blood filled Gridd’s aristocratic flesh pencil. He made a low moaning sound, tore off his clothes and threw them into the open fire place, which had spontaneously combusted the moment their eyes had met. He strode over to Felicity, whisked the salad bowl from her head and threw it out the window. It landed in the Aegean Sea several hours later. He then picked up Felicity and threw her against the wall.

“Do me, your highness,” whispered Dierdre.

Read More