A year ago, almost to this day, the stork came. It was 2.30pm on a Sunday. That evening we were cuddling a snowy-haired girl and eating stork for dinner. Well, you know how bad hospital food is.
Read MoreThe word “we” has absolutely no place in describing or announcing the birth. One partner goes through 8 to 30 hours of unrelenting agony before forcing a juvenile member of the species through a very small bodily opening. The other stands bedside, grimacing, patting, squeezing and cooing.
There is no “we”.
Read MoreI understand the world through the prism of early episodes of The Simpsons. Who between the ages of 25 and 40…
Read MoreTen years ago, if someone had asked you what your spirit animal was, you’d have moved to the other end…
Read MoreIs there anything worse than new year work cliches? Yes – many things – among them child labour, Kyle Sandilands…
Read MoreNever let the fact there’s ostensibly nothing left to do get in the way of a 12-hour working day. Pickaxing a bare patch of ground, reversing a truck into a position and then moving it back into its original position and thrashing at a fence with a piece of rope are all examples of noble labour.
Read MoreIn most cases… these people are barely able to keep their heads above the scum-topped liquid of their own career puddles despite wearing an inflatable giraffe ring around their waist at all times (sometimes metaphorical, often not).
Read MoreThe problem of loud sneezers in the office is almost universally shrugged away as a mild annoyance. The idea that epic nasal detonations are on a par with double booked meeting rooms or coffee breath is dangerous conventional wisdom.
In fact, those who get to the 130 decibel mark or above are nothing less than a menace that must be ripped from the coalface, roots and all, like the insidious species of human weed they are.
Read MoreBut the greatest moment of all was when I witnessed a bloke lose control of his pendulum.
He was a flighty individual and must have feared having someone standing beside him at the urinals; that was understandable. What I had more trouble empathising with was the exclamation “Wh-wh-whoooa!” followed a furious flurry of activity during which urine passed over the top of the nearby cubicle and squirted into his own face.
It was like a small child trying to regain control of a full-bore fire hose.
Read MoreWhat a drag it is applying for jobs. The world would be a far better place if you could just…
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