ParentHaught: Lucy’s Salon

lucy's salon

Date: July 2016

Age: 2

 

Lucy: I do Memmeh’s hair?

Me: Are you a hairdresser, Lucy?

Lucy: Yeah. I cut a da hair with brushes.

Me: Do you need two combs?

Mum: Of course she does. This a very prestigious salon. Lucy’s the best.

Me: I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t realise.

Lucy starts brushing Mum’s hair.

Lucy: Papa? [handing me a comb]

Me: Oh! Lucy. I’d be honoured.… Read the rest

48 views

Haught Take: Sponke the monkey

sponke the monkey

Yesterday, people in parts of western and south-western Sydney were exposed to a brochure telling readers “Do not vote Labor” and listing a series of reasons relating to “protecting” families, masturbation and homosexuality

The advertising became instantly notorious for this dire warning: “DO NOT VOTE FOR LABOR IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO SPONKE THEIR MONKEYS”.

No person or organisation put their name to the propaganda, but Haught can exclusively reveal exactly how the above flyer came to be:


Read the rest
130 views

Haught Take: Personal Branding

In 2017, personal branding has earned a special significance in the world. It’s at least as important to humans as a healthy endocrine system and will presumably one day replace our need for a beating heart. 

It’s also a complex subject, and I’ve taken that complexity into account when fashioning my rules for improving your personal brand. This is one you might want to set aside a good 45 minutes to read:

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Haught Take: is the rudest word “cunt”?

I’ve just got on to the The Allusionist, the best words-related podcast I’ve found. I highly recommend it.
 
I decided to start from the beginning and the fourth episode from back at the start of 2015 is all about profanity. Host Helen Zaltzman takes a poll on what people think is the rudest word in the language and the winner by a long way is “cunt”.
 
It got me thinking about what I consider to be the most offensive item in the modern Australian lexicon.
Read the rest
214 views

ParentHaught: “UH-OH!”

Uh-Oh!

The other day my wife, my daughter (Lucy) and I were coming home from a walk. We went via a cricket oval.

It was late afternoon and a game had just finished. We passed the pavilion and began to climb the hill towards our house when we all noticed a cricketer having a wizzle up against a fence of a nearby house.

He wasn’t particularly well hidden – there was just a barely living clump of bush obscuring his dude – but we probably wouldn’t have noticed him had it not been for the fact he was emitting wind with gay abandon.… Read the rest

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“Grandpa, what was Agile Methodology?”

Grandpa and grandson - wind

“Grandpa, what was Agile Methodology?”

“Ah, that’s a very good question, kiddo.”

“And…?”

“And what?”

“And what’s the answer?”

“The answer to what?”

“My question.”

“About what?”

“About Agile Methodology.”

“Oh. Oh… that. I thought you were talking about the other thing.”

“What thing?”

“The… thing… with… about… the… the… bi-… about… Biff… Pelican. Biff Pelican.”

What?! No!”

“Well it’s a funny story, actually. I used to have this weblog. And -”

“I was asking about Agile Methodology.”

“No. No. Of course you were.”… Read the rest

595 views