Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

Category: Emails

My email to Metro Trains

I have a back catalogue of unsent Metro Trains complaints that, if put down on paper, scrunched into a ball and launched into space, would quickly begin orbiting the sun and become our solar system’s fourth largest planet.

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My email to Kyle Sandilands [VINTAGE HAUGHT]

Today the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA) said Kyle Sandilands’ November on-air ejaculation of bile was a little bit bad…

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VINTAGE HAUGHT: My email to Gasp Jeans

I’ll be brutally honest (I know you goddamn respect that): your clothing doesn’t really do it for me – diamante encrusted denim isn’t my thing. But by Christ I love your approach to customer service via the written word.

I find the style of your (recently much-publicised) email correspondence nothing short of mesmerizing. The gloriously specific examples, the beautifully restrained sprinkle of Latin, the extravagant defense of your staff… truly exhilarating stuff.

I want one of your emails to call my own.

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THE RESPONSE: My email to Yarra Trams

You may have noticed by now that I believe sarcasm is the second highest form of wit (lavatory humour being…

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My email to Jim Beam

Recently, you might have seen an ad for an alcoholic beverage company where young men and women shout noises at…

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“I’ve hit pay dirt, baby”

Late last year a man sent me an email that I thought had changed by life. It went like this:…

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My email to Yarra Trams

Earlier today I gave Yarra Trams the benefit of my feedback. Here’s a transcript of what I wrote:

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My email to Ben Polis

Yesterday, the Melbourne Football Club, as well as the Melbourne Victory Football Club and the Melbourne Rebels Rugby Union Club…

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