Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

The Haught guide to inadvertent plagiarism

I had one of those abject moments of deflation last year. You know the ones: they came just after you…

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The Haught guide to “downsizing”

One day, in the not too distant future people will be coming home from work telling their partners “Love – I was permanently de-salaried today because the company’s optimaligning has led to my role being seajourneyed.”

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The Pat Raw Chronicles – concluded(?)

If you follow Haught on Facebook, you’ll be intimately familiar with the AAA-class weirdo and anti-political correctness campaigner, Pat Raw. Or…

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Love Excels – by Brian Billston

This – and pretty much everything on Brian Billston’s site – falls into the category of I wish I’d written…

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The Haught guide to Jehovah’s Witnesses

Years before I became a worldly, cynical and wildly popular blogger, Jehovah’s Witnesses preyed on me like I was a baby wildebeest with polio who’d been isolated from the herd and was click-clacking around the savannah in ill-fitting wildebeest calipers.

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The Haught guide to lying

Lying during job interviews is now par for the course. Well, it might be par. It might also be an excellent sub par round, replete with stupendously stylish trousers and a hole-out eagle from a fairway bunker with a five iron. It might even be a round so bad you miss the metaphorical cut. It all depends on how well you fib. The point is, everyone does it.

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The Haught guide to competition

To be truly competitive in a professional setting you must see each of your colleagues as brick walls blocking the road joining the towns of Career Mediocrity and Career Triumph. You should feel the urgent need to repeatedly sledgehammer them.

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My email to Melburnians

You have no justification for outrage. Outrage is a privilege not an entitlement. It is like 1951 Grange Hermitage. Or dental care. You can’t just have it; you must earn the right to enjoy it.

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“There are no stupid questions” is a lie

I walked into the storeroom at Burwood Smorgy’s and found the manager wearing only a felt sock puppet and dancing a passionate samba with a 45 kilogram bag of desiree potatoes. If this was written into fate at the beginning of time, then the Predeterminer must have one hell of an imagination.

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The Haught guide to meetings

…What ensued was a kind of Stalinist purge, but instead of people vanishing, it was working time that was systematically liquidated or sent to the gulag. Hour by hour, the amount of time we had to do our jobs was slowly deleted, replaced by meetings.

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