Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

“Grandpa, what was Agile Methodology?”

The year is 2062. A curious young lad asks his grandfather about a long-forgotten set of work techniques known as Agile Methodology.

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Regrets? Surely you have a few

Some people ask me while I’m signing autographs or they’re basking in the fresh-baked-bread warmth of my celebrity, “Jonathan, have…

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The Haught guide to “too much information”

There’s an acronym doing the rounds on the interconnected network of digitised information at the moment. You might be familiar…

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The Haught guide to people who love drama

A little while ago a friend thought one of my articles was a pointed reference to his own behaviour. It wasn’t….

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My email to Arnott’s

  Last week, someone contacted me. The end. Not really. That was a little joke. The person who contacted me…

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“How’s working at McDonald’s going for you?”

“So what do you do for a living, Johnson?”

“Uh… it’s Jonathan… I’m a… well, a writer.”

“A writer? You write books? Novels?”

“No, no, no. No. Definitely not.

“No.”

“But I do write a little thing… a little columny thing… in the paper.”

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The Haught guide to “deep dives”

I’m all for metaphors. If variety is the spice of life then metaphors are the smoked paprika of language. I…

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The Haught guide to resigning

We often look back on the decision to resign from a job as a happy career juncture, a fork in the career road with a perfectly-cooked career sausage on the end of it. But the moment itself, that ten or fifteen seconds in which we have to tell our manager that we’re pulling the work pin, is almost always filled with trembling anxiety.

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My email to the Commonwealth Bank

I notice you’re in a bit of a jam. You’ve been saying “Can’t” a lot to a lot of people. Which is absolutely fine. You have an insurance arm, and insurers say “Can’t”, “No” and “Get fucked” as a matter of course, but there’s that whole problem of you being the Can bank.

Bugger.

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My email to 7-Eleven

[A] position has recently opened up at the company I founded nearly four years ago. You will have heard of it: Haught Enterprises. It’s now become so large and so successful that I’m looking for a Chief Executive Officer to do what CEOs do… deliver value and drive strategic synergies and warn people against socialism and shit.

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