But your online ticketing system blasted dozens of litres of thick yellow diarrhoea into its own underpants and now many of them don’t have tickets. Probably, some of them don’t have jobs because instead of working today they had to sit on a computer piss-farting around while your website told them various unhelpful and contradictory things that weren’t the truth, i.e. “Oh, pwoah! The system has 48 cubic metres of shit in its boxers. Just like last year. This is going to take at least 45 minutes to clean up.” You might not be familiar with an online ticketing system – it’s a digital platform used for distributing… anyway, never mind. The salient point is yours didn’t work. At all.
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He traipsed through this “lost illusions boulevard” in his trilby and his double-breasted suit, smiling knowingly, perhaps ruefully. There was no pretence or charade.
Read MoreIn 2017, personal branding has earned a special significance in the world. It’s at least as important to humans as a healthy endocrine system and will presumably one day replace our need for a beating heart.
Read MoreOnly the true innovator understands this cruel truth.
Read MoreThe items that we now categorise as weasel words, wank language and corporate buzzwords weren’t always the indefensible, indecipherable brain-slop of desk-shackled keyboard tappers. Almost every single one began as a word or term that didn’t make you want to chainsaw it alive and throw its corpse into an abandoned quarry.
Read MoreThe year is 2062. A curious young lad asks his grandfather about a long-forgotten set of work techniques known as Agile Methodology.
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I’m all for metaphors. If variety is the spice of life then metaphors are the smoked paprika of language. I…
Read MoreI’ll tell you what annoys me about the ‘inspirational’ memes and quotes that do the rounds on Facebook and LinkedIn? Well, their preposterous oversimplification of the human condition, obviously. But also their ubiquity.
Read MoreOne day, in the not too distant future people will be coming home from work telling their partners “Love – I was permanently de-salaried today because the company’s optimaligning has led to my role being seajourneyed.”
Read More…What ensued was a kind of Stalinist purge, but instead of people vanishing, it was working time that was systematically liquidated or sent to the gulag. Hour by hour, the amount of time we had to do our jobs was slowly deleted, replaced by meetings.
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