Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

Tag: idiots

“Grandpa, what was Agile Methodology?”

The year is 2062. A curious young lad asks his grandfather about a long-forgotten set of work techniques known as Agile Methodology.

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Regrets? Surely you have a few

Some people ask me while I’m signing autographs or they’re basking in the fresh-baked-bread warmth of my celebrity, “Jonathan, have…

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The Haught guide to snake oil salesmen

The worst mistake you can make as a citizen of the 21st century is believe that the age in which it was possible to quit one’s job and take to the road selling a miracle tincture made of tree sap, rancid avocado juice and buffalo urine is long past.

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Pat Raw: The Musical

The last installment of the Pat Raw Chronicles ended with Haught fan Julianne Rice suggesting that it was “only a…

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The Pat Raw Chronicles (cont’d)

If you’re new to Haught and haven’t yet got onto the official Haught Facebook page, you might not know who…

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The Australian President’s real speech

Last week Barack Obama was re-elected as the Prime Minister of the Uniting States of America. This caused a great…

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Benign to Five on knowing when to fold ’em

Is there a more frustrating end to a conversation than “get over it?” Possibly “whatever” or a massive expulsion of…

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Benign to Five on dealing with difficult people

Difficult people are a dime a dozen, aren’t they? That’s less than one cent each, and still you’re probably paying…

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My email to Hoo haa Bar

While I may be the world’s most promising and precocious literary talent, this doesn’t change the fact that I am as ugly as sin. And I’m not talking about one of the spurious Catholic ones like “original sin” or one of the piss-weak Deadly ones like sloth or gluttony; I’m talking about the absolute shockers like wrath, Avada Kedavra and, by far the worst of all, vanity. (I absolutely abhor arrogance and conceit, and as the owner of a Chapel Street night club, you undoubtedly do too.)

I’m so unattractive, my wife employs a Perseus-style mirror-plated shield when conversing with me. I’m so unattractive, I’m reluctant to have children because I fear that if my son or daughter got my face genes, I’d be dragged to The Hague and charged with crimes against humanity.

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I’ve hit pay dirt… again

Sometimes I receive messages in the spiced ham folder of my email that get me so excited I feel like…

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