Haught

Purveyors of fine sarcasm

Tag: parenting

ParentHaught: Lucy’s Salon

Mum: This is a very good haircut. What will this cost, Lucy? How much?

Lucy: Four and six.

Me: And what about in post Victorian England currency?

Mum: Oh, don’t be silly, Papa. You said four hundred and six, didn’t you?

Lucy: Yes. Silly Papa. Naughty.

Me: $406 sounds like a LOT for a haircut!

Mum: Well this is more than a haircut.

Me: Fair enough. So $406, Lucy?

Lucy: Four and six marse-mallows.

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ParentHaught: Lessons learnt from the University of Fatherhood

Parenthood is a classroom like no other, and much that you learn within it is applicable to your daily life. Like saying that an audible fart was a frog noise, for example.

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ParentHaught: Marilyn the Gorgon

[My daughter and I] start throwing Duplo bricks at Mum’s creepy bald doll, which is slumped in the corner of the room like a drunk auntie at a party she wasn’t invited to…

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ParentHaught: “UH-OH!”

We passed the pavilion and began to climb the hill towards our house when we all noticed a cricketer having a wizzle up against a fence of a nearby house. He wasn’t particularly well hidden – there was just a barely living clump of bush obscuring his dude – but we probably wouldn’t have noticed him had it not been for the fact he was emitting wind with gay abandon.

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ParentHaught: how to introduce your baby to the office

A year ago, almost to this day, the stork came. It was 2.30pm on a Sunday. That evening we were cuddling a snowy-haired girl and eating stork for dinner. Well, you know how bad hospital food is.

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